Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize