dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
