....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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