My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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