he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
