Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
