I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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