glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
