my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
