Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
