Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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