and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
