So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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