Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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