The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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