you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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