Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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