she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
