i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
