I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
