white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it's like heaven, but drunker
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
