I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
