you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
