Barsexuality is the new black.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
