I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
