Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
