turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize