WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
