am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
