Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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