I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
