Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
