Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
