I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
