There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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