Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
