u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
