is your mom at the bar?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
