Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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