how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm always down for nudity.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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