Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize