And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
