So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
