I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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