During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
