Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
