The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
