he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
