Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
