So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
