sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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