I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
