He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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