Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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