that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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