Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I AM VODKA MAN
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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