I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
