I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Green mimosas i think yes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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