I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
