How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
