woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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