I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
