Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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