it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You are a genius and a whore.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
