i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
